That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
