i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
