I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
