he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
