Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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