it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
