Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
