i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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