dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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