If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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