sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
