And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
