Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
