Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
