If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize