Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
