Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
