8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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