nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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