If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
