According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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