He kissed a someone with a penis
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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