he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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