Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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