there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
