shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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