Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
