we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
