Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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