I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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