When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
