My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
look no pants
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
