I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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