I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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