you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
