Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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