Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
