Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
