I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
