Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Everything about him screamed your future.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
