Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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