I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
