apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize