I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
