By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
