Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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