He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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