dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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