he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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