You smell like a Billy Joel song
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
