make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize