Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
