I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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