You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
