I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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