1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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