it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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