why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
