Farmville is her only friend.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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