I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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