We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
