one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dignity is for republicans.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
